Mask Making and Chemo

                                                            

Thank god for Xanax, let me start with that. Driving into the city, we were running way too early. We stopped at Michael’s craft store in Bayer’s Lake, my new favourite store. I grabbed as many Perler beads as I could before my husband could say no. That was the highlight of the day.

We arrived at the Dixon centre again, way too early, but this time it was because we were given the wrong appointment time. The took me to get changed in a johnny shirt and housecoat and took us to a separate waiting area. Things were starting to feel real finally as we watched people struggling as they walked by with their heads wrapped and looking sickly. Again, thank god for Xanax or I would’ve broken down then. 

A nurse pulled us into a room to discuss the process. They had a large piece of plastic in a hot  bath of water to make it pliable. It would be stretched across my face and modded as closely as possible. Then she told me that I would be having a CT scan to figure out where they would  be aiming the radiation. My husband was not allowed in with me but I was still relatively calm.

They had me lay on the table and tuck my hair underneath me as they put a very warm piece of plastic on me. The modded it up against my nose and chin and clipped me to the table. I was made to lay still with my eyes closed for 10 minutes. Between the Xanax and the warm plastic, I almost fell asleep. Once my ten minutes were up, they put me in the CT machine. The put the marks on my mask and then they took it off. I was thrilled when she let me take pictures.

When I went to get changed, I looked in the mirror and thought I looked like a mermaid. The plastic was webbed and left a pattern on my face. I slept most of the way home. I learned quickly that my backseat is not optimal sleeping space. We spent some time at my parents having dinner and then headed home. 

Later that night, when all was quiet and I was the only one awake in the house (lets face it, I’m not sleeping much nowadays) the reality of the whole situation hit me hard and I choked. I woke my husband up, he was barely asleep anyways, and he gladly welcomed me to be held and comforted for what seemed like hours. I cried and cried and cried. The fear of everything was finally sinking in. I was no longer in denial. I had accepted it and it was a hard pill to swallow.

Tuesday was a day of no appointments but many visitors, which we welcome of course! My husbands aunt stopped in with big hugs and lots of love. My mother and my unbiological sister both visited. My “sister” has been working on fundraising for ur family and making some pretty neat baskets to raffle off. She had come to bring me a gift and the proceeds for the first basket. My main hobby is Perler bead art so I had gone through my stock and even created some new pieces to go in her future baskets. The amount of support that the community has contributed is completely overwhelming and we are beyond grateful. Later in the day my best friend stopped by and I was so happy just to see her.

Not much sleep was had that night, knowing that I had to go for an appointment with Medical Oncology about Chemo. In all honesty, this was the easiest appointment by far, aside from the waiting which was around 45 minutes after my scheduled appointment time. Every other one, I had been taken in early. So this wait was a challenge for me as I wanted info and I wanted it now!

The nurse was lovely. Very informative and kind and made it very clear to us that she would be taking good care of me. 45 minutes later, the doctor came in with all kinds of information. She proceeded with a physical and got down to the nitty gritty.

 They’ve decided the main treatment would be radiation but they wanted me to take the Chemo pill as well. I would take that everyday, not just radiation days, for 6 weeks. There are some side affects with the pill, but its not as aggressive as the infusions. The worst of my side affects will come from the radiation. Radiation will take 7-8 weeks to complete. Since chemo lowers your platelet cunt, weekly bloodwork is mandatory. After I finish radiation, I get a month free of treatments. After that month I will be put on a higher dose of the chemo pill and am expected to take it for 5 consecutive days once a month for 6 months. When that is finished, I will go back for imaging to see if more radiation is needed. The uncanny thing about my tumour and my cancer location is that they never see it in people my age. It’s only common in young kids. 

I guess I’ll end this entry with “I always knew I was special.”