Hair

 

I was always that kid that took the risk, that got that super short pixie cut. I remember being in grade four when Posh Spice decided to rock that super short but fashionable (come on, she’s called Posh Spice for a reason, and she was much favourite) cut. A friend of mine had invited me to a Spice Girls themed birthday party, and you had to come dressed as your favourite Spice Girl. Now, I could have just dyed my hair dark brown and be done with it, but I had to take it to the next level. I walked into that party in that little black dress, jewelry adorning my wrists, neck and ears, and that super short, yet fashionable hair cut that I learned only Victoria Beckham can pull it off.

Grade nine hit. I was a music festival kid. I lived and breathed theatre and music for one week a year. That year, for musical theatre, I was given a song from “You’re a Good Man Charlie Brown” with my role being Lucy. Lucy has black hair, and mine was a dark blonde. But do you think I even considered a wig? Nope. And that was a terrible idea. Not a single hair dresser from here to Bridgewater would strip my hair once those blonde roots became very prominent. I don’t know how my mother did it, but she convinced my cousin to strip my hair and dye it as close as we could to my natural colour. She did end up having to cut more off than I would have liked, but hey, I did it to myself. 

My hair never made it past my shoulders after that, at least not during my schooling years. I did dabble in perms during my last couple years of school which I did man age to pull off. But perms do so much damage and I always ended up a few months later cutting it all out and being left with it short. I played with colour a lot during school, but always boxed dye which looked fantastic. They never turned out how the colour chart showed.

When school was over for me, I lived at home long enough to save up money for an apartment and for the first little bit for Jacob and I. I moved to Kentville the day after Boxing Day. I chose to leave my hair alone for a good long time after that. I will admit that with both children, I did cut my hair into a mom hair cut, but I grew both of them out immediately. 

Now let me just say, there’s only one person that I trust with my hair. She started being my hairdresser when I was in high school, she took a different job but then went back into hairdressing, which I was ecstatic about. Fast forward to my 28th birthday, when during a total manic episode, I was about to make Tammy’s day. Well maybe even her month, but I knew she was going to be excited. When I walked into the salon, it was like she had read my mind. “What’ll it be? A pink Mohawk?” I looked at her with a serious face and said “Make it purple and you have a deal.” I swear she was bouncing from being so giddy. I gave her full control. I walked out of the salon sporting a purple Mohawk, eventually becoming the face of the salon for a period of time. That was the same year that Tammy won the award for best hairdresser. She definitely deserved it after that cut.

Since being diagnosed bipolar, I’ve grown my hair out past my shoulders and while I’ve dabbled a little bit with colour on the ends, I’ve either stayed blonde or dark brown. Being on bipolar medications have thinned my hair out some. I used to have hair so thick that it had to be thinned out when it got cut. Not anymore.

When I first got diagnosed with brain cancer, I was told that the combination of radiation and chemo may make me lose my hair where the radiation is aimed. But it didn’t just cause me to have bald spots (and yes, I had a few) but it also caused for a lot of breakage and the texture of my hair felt like straw. On Wednesday’s we always saw a nurse and sometimes the doctor. This nurse was very thorough. We had never had her before but I really liked how she worked with us. She pointed out to us how inflames my scalp looked and she was surprised it wasn’t sore. I spent the next two nights at my aunt and uncles house losing and breaking tons of hair. When I got home on Friday, I was quick to make a phone call to Tammy.

We went to her salon right away. I had accepted that I might have to cut a few inches off to save my hair, but I was not convinced that I would need to shave it off. She kept calling Jacob over to look at how bad my scalp looked and at the bald patches. One thing you have to know about Jacob, I’ve done a lot of things to my hair that have shocked him over the years, and he prefers it longer over shorter. It totally caught me off guard when I heard him say “Well I guess you better call your mom, because we’re all going bald today.

We came back an hour later when everyone was able to be there. Jacob sat down first and gave us plenty of belly laughs as we left him with a ring of hair around his head. Next was my mom, who had had her head shaved more than a couple of times so this was a walk in the park for her. I had this sinking feeling in my stomach and I felt like I was going to be sick as my mom got up from the chair.

As I sat there, my hair was gathered in the back to be cut off. Tammy handed my mother the scissors so that she could cut it off. As soon as I heard her close the scissors I started to sob. The thing about Tammy is, she’s more than just my hairdresser. She married my husbands cousin. She’s family. And as soon as I started to cry, she grabbed my hand and held on tight. Jacob got our son outside quickly so he wouldn’t have to see me like that. When Tammy took over, Mom did everything she could to comfort me, but at that point I felt defeated. I felt like I had finally reached the lowest part of this whole process. And to think I had a mohawk, I had super short cuts. But it took years of growing it out to get attached. 

I’m very lucky. I have so many people in my corner. Not only did my husband and Mom shave their heads too, but so did my Dad and my brother. The family support has been absolutely incredible and I’m so grateful for it all. But, this is definitely going down in my books as the hardest thing I’ve done yet. Now to learn all the fun ways to tie scarves, because I’ll be damned if I go out in public without one on my head. Ya’ll don’t need to see my alopecia and psoriasis which is much worse with the radiation. Scarves and hats are my new obsession.